Solice

When travelling in extreme weather conditions, the government advise you should carry a shovel, a hazard light, a first aid kit and warm blankets... I looked a right c**t on the bus this morning

The immortal Padawan has just joined our little community

A while ago I was walking through the Arab quater in Patts when up ahead I saw Fie Dollah using a golf club to beat a defenceless guy. I ran up, grabbed the golf club off him and yelled "despite what you believe, what you are doing is completly wrong"......... "If you widen your stance, bend your knees, straighten your back you'll hit the c**t a lot harder."

I was visiting my mate Dave who's laid up with a broken leg. Dave says "my feet are freezing, can you nip upstairs and get my slippers?" "No probs" I said. Upstairs I see Daves stunning 20 and 22 year old daughters sitting on their beds. "Hello girls, your dad sent me to shag you two", "fuck off you liar" they said. "I'll prove it" so I shouted downstairs "both of them Dave?" He replied " Of course! whats the point of fuckin one?...

I was in the gym this morning when I noticed a hole in my trainer where I could push my finger in up to the knuckle..........Anyway she slapped me round the face and my membership has been withdrawn

I was feeling horny so I phoned the missus for a bit of phone sex. As she answered I said "tell me your not wearing any knickers." She said "Well actually i'm not wearing any knickers." I replied, "Oh yeah baby, tell me what your doing you naughty girl", she replied " I'm having a shit !!!"

Whats the difference between PMT and BSE? One attacks the cow's brain and sends it fukin mental, and the other is some kind of farming problem.

Abdul the Indian wife beater punches his wife every night at 7.30 on the dot !!

I was shagging this bird over her kitchen table when we heard a car pull up, she said "Quick try the backdoor"........thinking back I should have legged it, but you dont get offers like that every day.

I found my first grey pubic hair today, something like this wouldn't normally bother me, but it was in a Greggs sausage roll.

Just writing to move the spam down the table a bit, fekin knobs, wish they would feck off

My wife said 'get some of those tablets that help you get an erection', you should have seen her face when I tossed her some slimming pills

A doctor told me the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things id started. I looked around the houseto see things id started and hadnt finished, so I managed to finish off a bottle of merlot, a bottle of baileys, a butle of wum, a pockage of prungles, tha mainder of bot prozic and valium, the res of the chhescake an a box of chocletz. you haf no idr how fekin fablus i feel right now

My girlfriend was in the bathroom for hours getting dressed to go out when finally she swung open the door and asked "tell me honestly, do I look fat in this?" I replied yes love, but to be fair its a small bathroom

Well im back home and thoroughly pissed off and depressed already, where did I put that length of rope? Had a great time met many great bms along the way and looking forward to next time

Going home tonight it was great meeting you guys, you know who you are, hope to see you all again soon

Had a great time in Chaeng Mai, love the place and cant wait to go back. It wouldnt have been half as good without the help of my good friend G (Lung Somchai) his advice and help was second to non. Wish he was still a member here, for me he is sadly missed and I hope someday the Mods can reconsider him for membership.

Arrived in Chaeng Mai and as we walked past departures she starts waving to a girl she knew, Ive got no chance of ever being a bad boy because she always knows someone somewhere. Went to 3 ladyboy bars tonight, some good talent, its now started to piss down so it could end up 3 days in the room

Well pissed up last night, ended up in Nong Bar with Paeng, Dada, Bow, Noon, Noons friend, Rose, Palm, Chocolate and Tok for company

Looking forward to Sat night with good company, Dwbno1, Lung somchai, Padawan, another mate and four beautiful ladyboys. Pattaya beer garden, Koyo, Labamba, Stringfellows then off to see my good mate Gigi at Luckylove

Shes lost it! she just got the rest of my name tattoed down her back, it was for my birthday which isnt until the end of the year!! bless her she means well

Well the monster Padawan has made it and will be joining me on the 24th, sad thing is hes bringing another mate of ours, 24 years old and a handsome fucker, the girls will love him but im glad to say hes not into ladyboys

Deluxe room at April suites all booked up

Anybody want a girlfriend, going fekin free to a good home

Looks like my mate cant make it